Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
