i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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