If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
50% drunk capacity currently
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
