u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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