i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
