Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
