Jerry, you need to find god
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
