I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
