my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my being single is dangerous.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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