he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
