how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
