i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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