turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
