you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
