Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize