I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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