remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
