There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
