I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
