my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
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talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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