The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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