This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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