My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
