this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize