did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
