apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
