i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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