your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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