He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
