My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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