I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
