I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
