I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
