apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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