My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
