My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
