so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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