Small penises have feelings too.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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