He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
