I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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