Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
