I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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