That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
