You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
