There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
