so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
