jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
