After last night, I could never be a politician.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
