gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
