Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
