oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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