im drinking this country out of the recession.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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