i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
