wakey wakey hands off snakey
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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