she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
