there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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