just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
