Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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