I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
