she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
