we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
