Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
