He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
