You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
