Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
don't judge my taste in strippers
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
