if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
