Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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