It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
