I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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