She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
