Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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