so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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