she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
