I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
