I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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