Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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