There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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